Turner and Hooch (Roger Spottiswoode, 1989)

With: Tom Hanks, Mare Winningham, Craig T Nelson

Plot: Hanks is a police investigator in a town where nothing happens, when one day a murder occurs, and Hanks must look after the only witness: a giant dog.

---

God, they made some terrible films in the 80s, didn't they? Pretty much the whole rating here is for Tom Hanks, who remains likeable throughout and has a couple of slightly funny monologues with the dog. Everything else is near-unwatchable though, with a crime plot not even good enough for TV and a romantic subplot that's there just so there can be a woman in the film. These two elements, along with scenes showing the dog destroying Hanks' house, all seem disconnected from one another, with the crime plot vanishing entirely for most of the film until the writers decide we've had enough fun watching Hooch eat sofas and suddenly shove it back in again. Every poor joke is rammed down your throat with gurning slow-motion close-ups and that tuneless 80s synth cacophony. Even today's Eddie Murphy kiddy vehicles are better than this.

28